A letter to my diary

Dear diary,

I think I’m in love.

The thing is, I think I’m in love… with you.

It’s crazy I’m only admitting this now. We’ve been friends for a while, so I suppose you guessed, based on how frequently I take you off the shelf, run my finger down your spine, open you, smell your pages, shudder over how beautiful you look when I cover you with my small writing in that regal violet pen. I suppose you knew for certain when I told you all my secrets, but then came back for more. Sure, there aren’t many mysteries within your pages, but you kept everything private, even the smallest things.

Somehow, when they were within your covers, my flaws seemed less horrible.

We’ve talked before about how much trouble I had letting myself make that first impression on your pages. It’s because I’ve made mistakes before. But when I opened you up, you took my words willingly and made them a part of yourself.

There have been mistakes. I had a relationship with someone like you in primary school. He was decorated with pictures of cats, but I liked his bright white pages and bold black lines. The way he could lock up made me let my guard down. He wasn’t flashy but eventually, writing on his stark pages made me realise he didn’t care, really. Secrets were housed but not embraced. And he locked everything up too tightly. Instead of absorbing my mistakes and my flaws and my bad days, he held them inside, and released them when I unlocked him, a fresh wave of anguish.

Then there was the one with silver and purple flowers and the purple pages. Mistakes were made, and you can’t use whiteout on purple pages. He sits near you on the shelf, but I can’t open him anymore. Does he tell you what I did to him? I ripped pages out with spelling mistakes and messy writing. I hurt him. He was too perfect for me.

But you are simple. Blue and yellow, held shut with a piece of elastic. Creamy white pages with pale grey lines. You are unassuming but pretty. You don’t intimidate. You accept me how I am.

It pains me to admit that sometimes I look at others. Flashier versions of you, perhaps, or fatter, or brighter or more intricate. But lately, I always resist, because you are at home and you cannot be replaced. There is no substitute.

There’s an inscription on your inside cover, indicating your purpose to hold my hopes, my dreams, my tears. You have done all that and more. My intention for you became your goal. You have lived to serve me.

And now you are close to being finished. Yes, you will be replaced (and I’ll get used to a new one eventually…) so that I can continue my stories, but what will I do with you? Will you be given away to someone in the future, to share my secrets? Will you be thrown away when I move out or move on?

I don’t know your future, but I know I am grateful for all you have done. You don’t just give my words a house, you give them a home.

Love Liz

Square eyes

Anyone who knows me will know that I am a bit of a TV fan. I get really excited by great screenwriting and I love that when you’re watching TV shoes, rather than in movies, you can follow the characters for a lot longer, and get to know them a lot better. Perhaps I should spend more time outside or with real people, yeah, but in TV world, everything is just more FUN.

So I thought I’d write a little bit about my favourite TV shows of all time, and how I came to watch them, and why I was hooked.

Sea Patrol

Sea Patrol was, to be honest, a fairly average Australian drama that ran on Channel 9 from 2007 and 2011. It wasn’t brilliant, but it holds a special place in my heart because it was the first ‘adult show’ I was allowed to watch on a regular basis. I loved the characters, and gradually converted many of my friends to watching it, so that I could talk to someone about it the day after it screened. I didn’t miss an episode, and if I couldn’t see it on the night it screened, I watched it the very next day.

Friends

Friends has always been something I’ve watched if it was on TV, but it was really only during the HSC that I started watching it heaps. I have now officially seen every episode ever made, most more than once, and I love it. I now own the entire box set. The characters are brilliant, the storylines are hilarious, and Ross and Rachel’s will-they-won’t-they is one of television’s greatest love stories. Also: BRILLIANT finale. Just amazing.

Scrubs

Scrubs is a more recent addiction, but I’ve still seen all the episodes, and I think it’s one of the greatest shows possibly ever… The acting, characters and writing are all equally brilliant, and it is just so funny. But then at other points it’s so poignant! Highly recommended, but skip Season 9 unless you want to be left feeling slightly let down. Season 8 is the perfect end.

Community

Community is probably my most recent TV discovery, but I love it. It’s just started screening on SBS 2 in Australia at 7pm, so I really think you should start watching it! My favourite season is the third, particularly the Glee and Law and Order parody episodes. But the highlight of every episode is Abed. Abed is the product of a genius writer. I am a little worried about Season 4, from what I’ve heard, but I will still watch it.

Downton Abbey

Downton is one of those shows that you love and love and love and then it rips your heart out. Season 3 and Christmas episode, I’m looking at you. That said, Downton is the only period drama I watch, and I can’t watch anything else in that genre without comparing it to Downton. Highlights include the brilliant sets and costumes and the fabulous Dowager Countess, played by Maggie Smith. I also feel like Lady Mary is a lot like me (a bit meaner than me in Season 1, but she gets better!), so that’s probably another reason I  like it.

Parenthood

I haven’t actually seen all of Parenthood, because I only started watching in Season 3 or part way through Season 2, but I’m really impressed by it. It seems very realistic, and the acting is superb. I think what makes it so realistic is that they all talk over the top of each other, and they make mistakes in what they’re saying, so it’s how humans actually talk. Clever stuff.

Finally… my all-time favourite… Gilmore Girls

Yep, it’s probably a bit dorky, but I ADORE Gilmore Girls. I’m so glad my friends introduced me to it, because it’s just exactly the sort of show I love – fantastic, character-driven plots, long seasons and long episodes, BRILLIANT writing and two strong, smart female leads. Yep, it doesn’t get much better than that. Also, I kind of am Rory… nerdy Journalism student who hates sport, loves reading and has a great relationship with her mum.

So let me know – what are your favourite shows? What should I watch next? I’ve seen Season 1 of Parks and Recreation and that seems promising, and I’ve had 30 Rock recommended to me, as well as The Office, but I’d love another serious drama (with 40-minute episodes!) if you have any suggestions! I've started The West Wing but something that takes SLIGHTLY less concentration would be great, because oh man, they speak so fast on that show.

I'd love to see the world, but...

Liz in Paris in 2012

One of the main reasons I am looking forward to starting full-time work is the opportunity to earn enough money so I can travel overseas. I've been to a couple of different islands in the Pacific, including New Caledonia and the Cook Islands, and I've been to France and England, but there are still so many places I want to see, so many cultures I want to experience and so many cities I'd love to live in.

I'd love to shop and cycle round South-East Asia, and cruise through the Caribbean. I'd kill for a month in London, holed up in cafes and bookshops and museums. Words can't even capture how much I want to go back to Paris in every season - winter was stunningly beautiful, but spring and summer and autumn must just be gorgeous. And then of course there is America - north and south! Latin American carnivals, celeb spotting in LA, the thrill of New York City at night...

I cannot WAIT for my opportunity to travel to arrive! Right now, a few days in Melbourne in mid-year break is all I can afford.

BUT! There is a 'but' to all my dreaming, and that is the fact that I am a complete and utter homebody. I love my bed, I am attached to my comfortable routine and most of all, I hate being away from the people I love. It's not homesickness, exactly, but it's the sort of "condition" that means that I go crazy without wi-fi, because I can't contact my friends, and I get stressed when the pillow I'm meant to use for sleeping is too soft.

Coupled with my, well, inherent laziness... (let's face it, I spend at least half my time on my computer and I don't play any sport!) and you get a girl who wants to travel theoretically but may not ever push herself to do so!

BUT! I really want to change this. I want to be adventurous and spontaneous, and I want to make myself a global citizen, not just a citizen of my bedroom. So I've been thinking about ways I could do this! Could I work overseas? Maybe I could try an overseas internship? There are a few offered by my university, including one in South-East Asia with Agence-France Presse which, with my French language abilities, could be really great. Or maybe I could try freelancing overseas, and be a nanny to pay the bills while I'm at it! I follow an absolutely hilarious guy on twitter, @themalenanny, who is a nanny to some really absurdly smart kids (seriously, I'm not sure how much is made up... but it's still so funny), and seems to have a really cool job - living in London, looking after fun kids and also having the opportunity to see the city!

I don't know what I will be doing, but even though I love my home, I will be getting out of here one day! There's too much to see to let my comfortable life here stop me. 

Why don't I blog more?

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Uni is crazy. It’s fun and exciting, but it’s also exhausting and sometimes scary and lonely, and it’s been taking up most of my brain space.

As a result, I have been somewhat neglecting my blogging… ok, a lot. I am frustrated with myself about this, partially because I really wanted to maintain an active online presence this year, but also because I really do love blogging!

However, I think there is another reason I have been neglecting this blog – I have been putting too much pressure on myself to write about serious or really mature things all the time. Sure, this is important, but I also love fun, girly things, like movies and music and makeup… and I think if I let myself write about those things a little more, I could actually have a much better, much more up-to-date blog.

So stay tuned for plenty more fun things, including interviews, reviews, more fun articles and, best of all, more content! Thanks for being patient with me!

Yours loyally, Elisabeth.

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Today I spent nearly an hour online, signing up for loyalty cards.

As a university student, it seems I am pretty much obligated to be broke for most of this year. However, I’m not so keen on this idea, having things I need to pay for (ok, mostly WANT to pay for – I still live at home). So my solution?

ALL THE LOYALTY CARDS.

I already had Flybuys, Priceline, Cinebuzz and my personal favourite, Boost, and today I added Everyday Rewards, MyerOne, Strandbags and Dymocks. Perhaps most alarmingly, I actually found myself reading an article on the A Current Affairs website about the best loyalty cards. For shame, Liz. A Current Affair? For shame.

But I have to admit there is something sort of addictive about lovely shiny plastic cards saving you money, even if you do have to spend an exorbitant amount to actually gain any points. Free things? Yes! Things to fill the card spots in my wallet? Double yes!

So far my Boost card has been well and truly worth it – I’ve had at least 5 or 6 free Boost juices and two free ones on my birthday. And I’m liking my Cinebuzz card – free movies just for going to the movies? Yay! Can’t wait till my card upgrades to VIP status and I start earning points even more quickly!

Alarmingly, that number of free Boosts I have spent upwards of $300 on Boost over the past 3 years. And the fact that I am even eligible for VIP status says a lot about my discretionary spending habits – you have to see a lot of movies to get that. I get the feeling that though loyalty cards make you feel like you’re saving, in the end, the company gains a lot more – your choice to shop at their store rather than another, and plenty of personal information about your spending habits.

So perhaps my loyalty cards won’t save me that much money in the end, and maybe they do mean that people are using my information to fuel our consumer-driven society… but they are fun, and if they mean I can get a free juice once or twice a year, I’m a nearly broke student. So I’m keen.

The future

Last night, I found out that I got into the University of Sydney's Bachelor of Arts (Media and Communications).

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Sorry about the outburst, but I am so excited!! I have wanted to study this course for nearly five years, and I was so nervous about getting in I had my eyes shut while the UAC page loaded and then jumped round the house screaming when I found out.

So FINALLY the HSC is done with! My ATAR and my marks don't even matter anymore, and I can just get on with the future! The future used to be something which really terrified me, but now I'm starting to feel a lot better about it all.

I used to be scared about losing my friends as we all went off to different universities, which I guess does still worry me, but now I'm much more convinced that we will make an effort in touch. I also used to be scared about a change in routine, but now I can't wait to make university the main way I fill my days. And I used to be scared about making my way in the difficult field of media, but now I can't wait to do internships and work experience and just get as much experience as I possibly can!

I now can't wait for the future - for uni and new friends and enriching opportunities. But I'll also still be blogging here, hopefully even more frequently and about really interesting and mature things ;) Hopefully this will be the last squeal-y post on my blog!

Why this girly-girl loves heist movies

I am a really girly girl. I hate blood (as in can't even watch movies with fake blood without hiding and/or screaming), am a member of a beauty website, watch beauty gurus on YouTube, spend up to an hour doing my hair to get ready for parties, wear dresses all the time and have four different conditioners in my shower.

And yet, I love heist movies. (Bloodless ones.) I watched one a few weeks ago with my boyfriend and his family, Man on a Ledge, and loved it. I can't help it.

It's not the shooting that I love, or even the action scenes, really, but the idea of planning something to such detail, to distracting authorities, and to getting away with something so extraordinary. Man on a Ledge had a really complicated plot and heaps of little details that only got revealed at the end, leaving me sitting on the lounge with my teeth clenched and this silly little smile on my face. The same reaction when I watched Catch that Kid with Kristen Stewart when I was 12.

Producers make their movies for people like me, for people who want to be swept away by an extraordinary scheme. Hints of comedy are thrown in to please the masses and a lack of gore means that this is a widely accessible genre for a wide audience, from young teens to the elderly.

I think what gets me most is that heist films appeal to the imagination. Everyone wants to be as strong and smart and sexy as the robbers, getting back at the criminalised elite and winning one for the underdog. Every girl (secretly) has had at least a tiny desire to squeeze into a catsuit do some extraordinary action scene wearing 4-inch heels and with not a hair out of place. It grows from the spy-play that so many children enjoy (I made secret computers in the middle of my notebooks by drawing screens and keyboards and my Password Journal was one of my favourite possessions) but also from a desire to be a little more impressive that the average. Why this expresses itself in a desire to commit major felonies, I don't know. Real life crime is much less glamorous. 

18 does not an adult make

My friends have started turning 18. I have another two months to go until I reach that age, but all of a sudden, according to the law, I have adult friends. It's quite weird to look at people I've known since year 7 and think 'that person is legally an adult!'

18 means many things. It means that you can drink, buy alcohol and cigarettes. You can get married, if you want, without parental permission. You can get a credit card, own property, buy plane tickets in your own name, you can even change your name!

But does this make you an adult? According to the law, yes, but I (being close to this age myself) have been thinking about this quite a lot lately, and I've decided that there are a few other factors that should be added to the definition of adult, apart from reaching the magic number.

1. The ability to say no. Kids say yes to everything appealing, even if it's not good for them. They'll lie to their parents about being sick so they can go to a friend's house after school and end up throwing up all over their backyard (it only happened once. A long time ago.). They'll eat and eat and eat junk food just because it's there, not stopping even when they're full. If you can say 'No', you are getting closer to being an adult.
2. Ability to get a job. You don't have to have a job, because some people are at school/studying/living off a massive inheritance, but you do have to have the ability to get one. So good personal hygiene, the ability to look someone in the eye and the ability to express yourself at least reasonably well should be there before you're classified an adult.
3. A general understanding of who gets told what. Yes, I'm talking about tact, secrets, oversharing and other wonderful things like that. Don't keep telling the same friend about your secrets if she just keeps telling others. Don't tell your mate that his acne is looking really bad lately. And DON'T tell me all about the surgery you just had when you know I'm squeamish. Mistakes are fine - but you can't be an adult until you have at least a small understanding of when to keep your mouth shut.

If you can do all these things when you turn 18 then congratulations - in my eyes, you are an adult. Of course, if you turn 18 and you can't do these things then in the eyes of the law you're still an adult, but I am pretty sure you're going to want to develop these things pretty quickly!

Torture in the form of a camera

On Monday, I experienced my last ever school photos. Yet another last for this year, following on from last Swimming Carnival, last Cross Country Carnival, last first day of the year, Music Camp, last first day in winter uniform, last ever day wearing white socks to school... No more hanging around waiting for the previous group to finish. No more rushing out of class, hoping not to miss out on something that will be in the next exam (Yes I am a massive nerd). No more being seated in the front row because you're teeny-tiny and happen to go to school with the world's tallest teenage boys. No more worrying that the top row is going to fall off the flimsy scaffold-thing and crush all those below them into a mush of blazers, braids and shoe polish.

And most of all, no more horribly embarrassing posed photos that you have to wait months to see and are hardly ever happy with.

I'm one of those people who has NEVER been happy with a school photo. Well, not since Year 4 when I somehow managed to pull off a decent smile. That particular photo is still the one in my mother's wallet. And then, the hormones kicked in, the mosquito-bite scar arrived (a putrid scab for Year 5 school photos!) and Mum stopped doing my hair. Not one good photo in high school. So this year, I was absolutely determined to finish Year 12 with one decent portrait photo of myself in school uniform.

In Year 10 one shoulder was higher than the other, so I practiced standing nice and straight. In Year 11, my hair was disastrous, so I washed it the night before, tried to scrunch it with product to get nice waves to add texture and intricacy to my ponytail (or something like that), talking to myself in the mirror like a beauty guru on YouTube... And The Rudolph-style nose I've been sporting every year since Year 7 thanks to a tendency to flush when embarrassed/hot/cold/angry/happy/sad/tired/hungry/asleep? Covered with a layer of foundation.

Of course, we sat down for the photos. I hadn't practiced sitting straight! And my hair? Well the product did work, but as I sleep on my side, instead of the waves I'd been aiming for, I got one VERY flat side of hair and one just normally untameable. It took longer than normal to do my everyday ponytail, and no time for clever braids or face-framing curls. I even think I forgot a ribbon! My red nose was successfully covered the morning of photos, as planned for, but, as if I was being punished for my vanity, a couple of nasty pimples popped up overnight on my chin. Concealer was hastily applied, and then put in my pocket for touch-ups (it was a stick concealer), where it promptly melted. Only within the tube, luckily not on my school skirt, but it was pretty much useless throughout the day. Yeah yeah I know, #firstworldproblems. But I had my heart set on not looking gross! When people look back at their passport-photo sized image of me in 20 years, I wanted them to remember me and my personality, not the leering lady with the nutty hair and the wacky skin.

So my perfect school photo? Well I still don't know. Maybe it will be fine! Maybe I'll look like a witch! Or maybe I should just stop caring and think about how much fun it was to laugh along with my grade at the photographer's lame jokes, and try and get away with flipping over the dangly crests on our prefect badges, and just look back at all the old dorky, silly and embarrassing school photos and reminisce about how amazing these last six years have been?